Category: Joke Board
The Top 20 Things Overheard on Valentine's Day
20> "A stuffed teddy bear, holding a heart? How utterly original."
19> "I now stand corrected -- there is *one* gift a woman does
*not* prefer to come in a small package."
18> "The jeweler said you'd never notice. Of course, he also said
he needed to move to another street corner because the cops
were closing in."
17> "How did you find a stuffed animal that looks exactly like
the neighbor's cat?"
16> "Troop levels aren't the only thing surging, baby."
15> "It's like a cosmic convergence -- Valentines Day and
Hump Day occurring simultaneously!"
14> "Really? Half the chocolates are missing? That darn global
warming!"
13> "Everyone *else* gives chocolate hearts for Valentine's Day,
but I love you so much I went out and got you the real thing.
It's not easy finding a cow heart, you know."
12> "I *did* get you roses. I just skipped the middleman and sent
them to your divorce lawyer."
11> "Technically, the lingerie doesn't make your ass look fat --
the chocolate hearts do that."
10> "Charles, I want you to take off *all* my clothes. You really
don't look that good in lace."
9> "They were all out of roses, so I got you a dozen eggs
instead."
8> "I don't understand it either, honey. It was smokin' hot on
the Victoria's Secret model."
7> "Tipper, I hope you like that latex catsuit -- it cost me all
my carbon credits!"
6> "I said send it *FTD* -- not STD!"
5> "These aren't candy hearts. They're Tums!"
"I know. It means, 'You make me sick.'"
4> "Thank you for calling Lonely Singles Hotline, Mr. White.
Happy Valentine's Day!"
3> "You had me at 'a dozen red roses will get you oral.'"
2> "No, not exactly... but I really, really LUST you."
and the Number 1 Thing Overheard on Valentine's Day...
1> "Sweetheart, guess what? I may be the father of Anna Nicole's
daughter!"
<lol> ha ha ha!
My favorites are
10> "Charles, I want you to take off *all* my clothes. You really
don't look that good in lace."
12> "I *did* get you roses. I just skipped the middleman and sent
them to your divorce lawyer."
1> "Sweetheart, guess what? I may be the father of Anna Nicole's
daughter!"
and, guess which one was my ultimately most finest favorite?
17> "How did you find a stuffed animal that looks exactly like
the neighbor's cat?"
Here kitty kitty!
Bob
LOL Bob, I thought of you when I read the one about the cat. I knew you would like that one.
My favorite is the one about Anna Nicole Smith's baby. Are you sure you're not one of the potential daddys?
You forgot the sound of me hunched over a toliet pucking up half a bucket of beer on my fucking 21st birthday.
Sounds like the roman battle mask could be (either before or after the accident), and we'd never know it.
Happy birthday trb.
Bob
Happy 21st birthday Jared. Now sober up for God's sake!
He's never going to sober up again. He's doomed to a life of degradation and humiliating circumstances.
Oh well, he was a good ol' guy.
Jared, wake up and go home for Christ's sake.
Bob
Happy late 21st Jared.